I would never admit that I made a mistake nor that I didnt think it through but I can say that absolutes make me uncomfortable and so does living in between but that doesn't mean anything

 "and if you gaze into the abyss, 

the abyss gazes also into you"

-Friedrich Nietzsche 

But blindness knows no shade. 

The effortless lies,

at the bottom of a cascade.

 Emotions have me tied. 

            I thought I should cry,

        so I cried-

          Fake tears meant,

         to tell others-

I once felt shame.

        It was muffled by 

water, choking me-

        suffocated by nothingness.

I am mostly made 

           of water and so 

I cannot wallow-

        In delusions of despair

A fear of being alone 

                                                                                                                                  yet I can 

and will actively 

                                                                                                                        sabotage myself. 

 But what did I mean?

I could never 

admit that I felt 

pain.